Nadine became my counselor in April 2010. When I entered into her care, my first thought was this was going to be easy all I have to do is follow directions and play by the rules! Boy was I wrong! I had a lot of work to do on myself that I didn’t think needed done! I didn’t like Nadine in the beginning because I thought she was mean to me! Yes I was still stuck in the poor me phase of my recovery!
Let me tell you a little about how I came in to recovery and where my mind set was, as I am sure some of you can relate! I came in to recovery scared, a manipulator, fake (I wore a mask with a smile like everything was okay), a people pleaser, and in denial about my addiction! I had secrets and pain I was going to let anyone know about! They were mine to keep and if no one knew about them I didn’t have to deal with them and they would still like me! I think the reason I was scared was because I knew she could see right through my mask and the smoke and mirrors I was portraying.
After fighting her tooth and nail, I began to open up! I began to tell her my scary stuff that I didn’t want anyone to know! Why did I do this, well I began to trust her with my life! I no longer wanted to be miserable on the inside! I wanted to be happy, and forgive my self! While in my addiction I hurt a lot of people, my family, strangers, and myself! My biggest fear was that if I opened up to her she wouldn’t like me anyone! On the contrary it was just the opposite then more I opened up the more love she showed me! I finally felt safe! I felt like I could walk through each and every hurt, pain and shame I was carrying and that she would still love me no matter what! I learned how to love myself, be authentic, have integrity, be the person I always wanted to be with her help and guidance! When I left her care I was a new person and I was happy again! Yes it was a lot of hard work and tears, but Nadine held my hand along the way! Did she push me and make me do things and talk about things I didn’t want to do! Yes she did and I am so grateful for every single part of it!
On April 24, 2019 I will have 9 years clean and sober! I thank God and Nadine for helping me become the woman I am today! I am the daughter, Mom, sister, sponsor to other woman, and the friend to others I never thought I could be! Not a sobriety birthday has past that I don’t thank her for what she has taught me! I know that no matter what if I reach out to her she will be there to help me and give me advice! I might not always like what she says to me, but I know that she speaks the truth and it comes from the heart! I seriously don’t know where I would be today if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith and entrusted Nadine with my life and recovery! Although I would imagine it wouldn’t be good! I am and will be forever grateful for the hard work, and tears she made me walk through! Every single thing I had to do was so worth it, even though I didn’t think so at the time! On many occasions I wanted to throw in the towel, so grateful I didn’t!
Thank you Nadine for helping walk through the darkest of days and showing me the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel!
If you are reading this my guess is that you are needing help, please take that leap of faith! Trust Nadine with your walk through recovery. Accept the tough love, unconditional love and honesty she has to give, so that you can become the person you want to be!